Earlier this week, I spent several hours talking with a man who had come to a place of deciding that maybe life is no longer worth living. As I spoke with him, I was struck by a sad realization. This man talked with great pleasure and pride of his many accomplishments in life. He spoke of being intelligent. He spoke of achieving greatness. He spoke of being sought after and liked. And yet, in the end, he spoke of wanting to die. In all of his achievements, he had not found peace. He had not found life. He had not found healing.
Then, later in the same day, I listened as an acquaintance of mine spoke of his great accomplishments. He spoke of his rank in school as a child. He spoke of his great achievements in school. He spoke of the places he's been and the things he's done. He spoke of his wealth. And yet, I know one important fact about this individual. While he has great knowledge, he lacks wisdom. He lacks the ability to apply the things he knows in ways that can help bring fulfillment to his life and the lives of those around him. This man knows the Lord, yet I was struck by how eerily similar he sounded to the first man with whom I had spoken.
Recently, I experienced a situation where some individuals in a position of power and authority made accusations against a young man that proved false. They focused all of their time and energy on these accusations. In the meantime, they ignored this man's pain, which seemed so obvious to me. Many people were wounded and this man continues to struggle with great pain that has not been addressed. The men who made the accusations are just now beginning to repent, but I can't help but wonder if repentance has come too late to change this man's fate.
Almost 2 years ago now, I met a young man who told me he that he hated himself. He would not identify why, telling me that it was too shameful. He talked around the subject for many weeks and always landed at the conclusion that he would be judged and rejected if people knew what he had done. He killed himself rather than bring his sins and struggles into the light for others to see.
It's often been said that pride is the most destructive of all sins. As I spoke with that distraught man the other day, it struck me that the truth of this lies in a single fact. Pride keeps us from self discovery, exploration, growth, depth, healing and acceptance of our need for a Savior. Pride prevents repentance. Pride prevents community and erodes relationships. Pride prevents the dark night of the soul when you realize that what you are and what you were called to be are vastly different. Pride keeps you from recognizing that you are fallen, broken, and need restoration. The other interesting thing I noticed about pride the other day is that pride is rooted in insecurity. I was struck by the reality that the man who spouted his achievements wanted to kill himself. The man who rattled off his accomplishments drastically misses the mark on wisdom. The men in authority focused on one false accusation because of how it would make them look if the accusation proved accurate. The young man who killed himself rather than confess did so to avoid being seen and known.
It angers me that our sinful nature prevents us from seeing the deadly effects of pride in our lives. We seek self sufficiency. We seek to save face. We seek to make much of ourselves. And all the while, we have a Savior who will gladly be our justifier, our restorer, our advocate, our redeemer. Alas, to make room for Him, we must release the pride. This is far better but our pride keeps us from believing it. And this oxymoron is Satan's great joy. It saddens me.
I long for the day when pride will no longer have any power. In the mean time, I will continue to place my hope in the One that has conquered all and plead with Him to break my pride and bring me near to Himself.
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